Blog - Per Se Psychology

November 26, 2025 | Ari Huffines

How Emotional Neglect Shapes a Child’s Inner World

How Emotional Neglect Shapes a Child’s Inner World

Children do not begin life with the capacity to understand or regulate their internal states. Their emotional and regulatory systems mature over time, which means they rely heavily on caregivers to interpret, soothe and organise their experiences. When adults respond consistently and with attunement, children gradually learn how to manage distress and build a stable sense of self.

When emotional cues are dismissed or blocked, the developmental trajectory shifts. A child who reaches out and is met with stonewalling, being told to manage on their own or being sent away while distressed receives a clear message: their feelings are not tolerated, and seeking support is unsafe. Eventually, they stop trying. Their energy moves from connection to self-preservation. They begin suppressing rather than processing, withdrawing rather than expressing. These patterns often become the blueprint for how they operate in later relationships and stressful situations.

Because children lack the cognitive and neurological structure to regulate without support, suppressing emotions comes at a cost. The nervous system remains in a heightened state far longer than it should. Over years, this chronic stress response increases the likelihood of developing significant problems, including anxiety disorders, depressive symptoms, irritability, sleep disruption and a range of physical conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome, fibromyalgia and even certain heart complications. These are not simply coincidences; they reflect how prolonged emotional strain embeds itself in the body’s functioning.

The idea that children “toughen up” by handling emotions alone is a misunderstanding. What actually happens is that they adapt by shutting down parts of themselves to cope. The child becomes skilled at masking, minimising and staying silent, but they do not become emotionally resilient. Instead, they grow into adults who struggle to identify their own needs, feel undeserving of support or assume that their emotional life is a private burden.

What truly strengthens a child’s long-term adaptability is not the removal of hardship but the presence of a caregiver who can meet distress with clarity and steadiness. When a parent stays engaged rather than withdrawing, the child learns that difficult feelings are workable rather than overwhelming. This experience becomes the foundation of an internal voice that says, “I can handle this, and I am worth understanding.”

For parents or caregivers reflecting on their own patterns, the key is not perfection. It is willingness. The willingness to notice when you are disconnecting, to pause before pushing a child away during their hardest moments and to recognise that these interactions shape more than just behaviour. They shape the child’s beliefs about safety, worth and connection.

Emotional availability is not a soft skill. It is a form of guidance that directly influences a child’s psychological structure and physical health. By responding with engagement rather than avoidance, caregivers give children the tools to manage themselves without having to shut down parts of who they are in order to survive.

November 25, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Willy Woo: Stories That Help Children Stay in Control of Their Emotions

Willy Woo’s Book Series, created with the guidance of a psychologist, helps children understand what’s happening inside their bodies when feelings start to rise.

Through playful, easy-to-use techniques, children learn to notice their emotions, stay in control, and express how they feel.

Written in rhyme, the stories are fun to read and help children remember calming tools. The series is perfect for ages 3 to 10, when children are learning to recognise and manage big emotions with confidence.

The very first book in the series is now available on Amazon:
“Willy Woo’s Feeling Angry.”

November 25, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Understanding Your Child’s Emotions

How Children’s Emotions Really Work and What Adults Can Do to Help

Children are not born knowing how to handle their feelings. They learn it slowly through the adults around them. When parents and caregivers understand how emotional development works, everything becomes easier. Behaviour makes more sense, outbursts feel less personal and supporting a child becomes far more effective.

Why Children Feel Everything So Strongly

A child’s brain is still developing. The part that reacts quickly to danger becomes active very early in life. The part that helps them calm down and think clearly develops much more slowly.

This is why children:

• get overwhelmed easily

• cry or shout suddenly

• find it hard to explain what they feel

• need adults to help them calm their bodies

This is not a child trying to be difficult. It is simply how a young brain works.

Your Response Shapes Their Emotional Skills

Research in developmental psychology shows something important. Children build emotional skills through relationships. When a child feels safe with you, they learn to feel safe inside themselves.

What truly helps is:

• staying close when they struggle

• naming feelings gently

• showing you understand their experience

• helping them breathe or take a break

Children do not learn by being told to stop feeling something. They learn by seeing and experiencing what support looks like.

Naming Emotions Helps the Brain Settle

Studies show that when children learn emotion words, their brains calm down faster. Naming an emotion helps the body shift out of a survival state and into a more regulated one.

For example:

“You are feeling angry because your tower fell. I am here. You are safe.”

Short, simple and grounding. Over time this builds strong emotional intelligence.

Why Visual and Repetitive Tools Work

Young children learn best through pictures, rhythm and repetition. Visual tools, stories and characters help them recognise feelings much more easily than verbal explanations alone.

This is why emotion books, picture charts or rhyming stories are so effective. They create a familiar pathway. With repetition, children eventually begin using the steps on their own without prompting.

What Happens When Children Do Not Learn These Skills

Avoiding feelings never makes them disappear. It pushes them deeper. Research shows that children who are not supported to understand emotions often:

• react with bigger outbursts

• hold feelings inside until they become anxiety

• struggle to make sense of frustration

• have difficulty with friendships

• become fearful of their own feelings

Supporting emotions early gives children the tools they will use for the rest of their lives.

What Parents and Carers Can Start Doing Today

You do not need to be perfect. You simply need to be present. These small steps make a real difference:

• slow your own body down before reacting

• validate the feeling even while setting limits

• describe what you see

• Stay close until the child settles

• Use the same calming steps each time

Consistency shows children that emotions are not dangerous and that they never have to handle them alone.

November 23, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Understanding Fear in Children

Helping Children Understand Fear: A Guide for Parents and Carers

Fear is part of being human. For children, it is not simply an uncomfortable feeling but a powerful signal that shapes how they explore, learn and relate to the world. Yet many adults misunderstand fear, treating it as something to quieten or outgrow. The truth is very different. Fear is a developmental tool, not a flaw, and the way adults respond to it influences a child far more than most people realise.

Why Children Feel Fear So Intensely

A child’s brain is still under construction. The amygdala, which detects danger, is active early in life, while the prefrontal cortex, which regulates emotion, develops much more slowly. This means children often feel fear strongly but lack the internal skills to calm themselves. They rely on the adults around them to interpret the experience and help them make sense of it.

Fear is also tied to how a child connects with caregivers. Research in attachment theory has shown that when adults respond with warmth, consistency and emotional availability, children develop the ability to regulate fear more effectively. A child who feels safe learns to explore confidently.

What Children Are Really Afraid Of

Fear does not always come from dramatic events. Common triggers include:

• being separated from a caregiver

• unfamiliar people or places

• darkness or loud sounds

• fear of failure or making mistakes

• imaginary threats such as monsters or shadows

To an adult, these may seem minor. To a child, they are meaningful because the child’s internal world has not yet learnt to distinguish possibility from reality. Minimising that fear does not strengthen the child. It leaves them alone with a feeling they cannot yet organise.

What Happens When Fear Is Ignored

When adults dismiss or rush a child’s fear, the emotion does not disappear. It shifts inward and becomes something more difficult to manage.

Anxiety increases

Children who feel their fear is unwelcome tend to internalise it. This often appears as stomach aches, sleep problems, clinginess or emotional outbursts.

Avoidance grows

Avoiding feared situations temporarily feels easier. Over time, avoidance teaches the brain that the situation is genuinely dangerous, which strengthens the fear.

Reactions become stronger

Children who cannot process fear may cry, shut down or lash out. These behaviours are signs of overwhelm, not manipulation.

Self-trust decreases

When a child is repeatedly told that their feelings are silly or exaggerated, they begin to doubt their own perceptions. This makes emotional regulation much harder in adolescence and adulthood.

These outcomes are predictable and well established in psychological research. Fear that is not understood becomes fear that controls.

How Children Learn to Understand Their Fear

The goal is not to remove fear but to teach a child how to navigate it. This requires calm, attuned adults who guide rather than shame or rush.

Name the emotion

Labelling fear reduces its intensity. When a child hears, “Your body feels scared and that is all right,” the brain shifts from panic to processing.

Validate the experience

Validation is not agreeing with the fear. It is acknowledging the feeling. This builds trust and teaches the child that emotions are manageable.

Help the child notice body cues

A tight tummy, shaky hands or a racing heart are normal fear responses. Children who understand their bodily sensations are less likely to panic.

Teach regulation skills

Slow breathing, grounding activities, gentle movement, and co-regulation with an adult help return the nervous system to balance.

Use gradual exposure

Facing a fear in small, supported steps is the most effective way to reduce it. This teaches the brain that the situation is safe and builds genuine resilience.

These skills become the foundation of emotional intelligence.

The Opportunity in Every Fearful Moment

Fear is not an obstacle to overcome. It is a moment of learning. It shows you what matters to the child, what they find unsafe and what they have not yet learnt to navigate. Approaching fear with curiosity and steadiness helps the child understand themselves rather than hide from their feelings.

Children who learn to process fear well become adults who can tolerate uncertainty, handle pressure and adapt to change without shutting down. They are more resilient, grounded and capable of facing challenges with clarity rather than avoidance.

When adults guide children through fear instead of dismissing it, they are not simply helping the child in that moment. They are shaping the child’s lifelong relationship with their inner world. That is the gift that lasts far beyond childhood.

November 22, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Letting Children Feel Sadness

Sadness in Children: What Parents Need to Understand

Sadness is not a sign that something is wrong with your child. It is a normal, healthy emotional response. In fact, psychologists agree that sadness plays a crucial role in helping children learn resilience, self-awareness and connection.

Children feel sad when they experience loss, disappointment or overwhelm. Their bodies slow down, their minds turn inward, and they naturally seek comfort from the people they trust. This is how emotional learning happens.

When parents allow sadness instead of trying to stop it, children learn to recognise their feelings, ask for help and recover in a regulated way.

What Happens When Children Are Not Allowed to Feel Sad

Many parents say, “I just do not want my child to be upset.” The intention is loving, but the impact is harmful. When children are told to stop crying, cheer up or be brave too quickly, the message they receive is: “Your feelings are not acceptable.”

Psychological research shows that blocking sadness leads to predictable problems.

1. They bottle their emotions

Suppressed sadness does not disappear. It builds tension inside the body. These children are more likely to develop anxiety or sudden emotional outbursts because the feelings have no safe way out.

2. They struggle to understand themselves

If a child never practises sadness, they never learn to recognise it or communicate it. As they grow older, they often say, “I do not know what I feel,” because they were never given space to learn.

3. They show more behavioural issues

Unprocessed sadness often comes out as anger, irritability or tantrums. It is not bad behaviour. It is a child carrying a feeling they have not been allowed to express.

4. They develop shame around vulnerability

Children quickly learn that crying or being upset gets judged or shut down. This can lead to perfectionism, people pleasing and a fear of making mistakes.

5. They find it harder to build close relationships

Children build trust through moments of sadness and comfort. If they never have that, they struggle with emotional closeness in friendships and family relationships later on.

What Parents Can Do Instead

Here is the simple truth. You do not need to fix sadness. You need to guide your child through it.

Psychologists call this emotion coaching. It means:

• stay present

• name the feeling

• validate what your child is experiencing

• guide them towards coping skills

• reconnect when they are calm

A child who learns “it is safe to feel sad and I know how to handle it” becomes a child who grows into a resilient, emotionally capable adult.

A Short Version for Parents to Keep in Mind

Sadness is not a problem to fix. It is a skill to practise. When your child is sad, you are not failing them. You are being offered a moment to teach connection, emotional safety and resilience.

November 21, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Raising Emotionally Healthy children: Why Anger Education Is Essential

What Happens When Children Don’t Learn About Anger?

When kids don’t learn what anger is or how to deal with it, the feeling doesn’t disappear. It slips beneath the surface like a shaken soda can waiting to burst. Sooner or later, it pops.

Below are some of the most common outcomes when children aren’t taught how to understand or manage anger.

1. Bigger Outbursts

Kids who can’t name anger or make sense of it often express it through loud reactions: tantrums, hitting, yelling, or shutting down. They aren’t “bad.” They’re overwhelmed and unequipped, trying to communicate with tools they don’t have yet.

2. Bottling Everything Up

Some children take a quieter route. They swallow their feelings to avoid trouble. On the outside, they seem calm, but inside, they carry emotional tension like a heavy backpack they never take off. Bottled-up anger doesn’t stay small; it slowly shapes how they see themselves and their relationships.

3. Trouble With Friends

When kids can’t explain what they feel, misunderstandings grow faster. They may push people away, react too strongly during conflicts, or feel constantly misunderstood. Healthy friendships rely on communication, and communication begins with knowing your own emotions.

4. Low Self-Control Later On

Managing anger in childhood helps build a sense of self-control that carries into adulthood. Without that early practice, teens and adults may struggle with impulsive reactions, emotional swings, or difficulty setting healthy boundaries.

5. Shame Instead of Understanding

When anger is never talked about, many kids begin to believe the emotion itself is “bad.” This turns a normal feeling into guilt, confusion, and fear of disappointing others. Instead of learning that anger is a signal, they learn to see it as a flaw.

What Helps?

Teaching children about anger isn’t about shutting the feeling down. It’s about helping them understand it and handle it safely. A few simple skills can make a huge difference:

• Naming feelings
• Noticing body signs like a fast heartbeat or temperature pathway.
• Using calm-down tools such as breathing, taking space, or asking for help
• Seeing adults model healthy ways of expressing anger

When children learn these skills early, they grow into adults who can face tough emotions without being controlled by them. They become people who can feel anger, express it safely, and return to calm with confidence instead of shame.

Psychologist David Huffines and I created the “Willy Woo’s Feeling” series to help children understand their emotions, accept them, and develop effective strategies for managing them.

Each book in the series guides children to notice the physical sensations that come with their feelings, identify what they are experiencing, and choose healthier ways to respond.

The books are written in rhyme to make learning engaging and easy to revisit. When children feel angry, sad, etc., they can return to the relevant book in the series, follow the steps, and practice the calming pathways it teaches.

You can now find the very first book in the series, Willy Woo’s Feeling Angry, available on Amazon!

You can find the link below.

November 20, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Understanding Emotional Development: The Key to Helping Children Thrive

The Importance of Emotional Development in Children: Why It Matters More Than We Think

When we think about child development, we often picture milestones like learning to walk, reading their first book, or mastering simple math. But behind every step in a child’s growth lies something even more fundamental: emotional development. Understanding and supporting children’s emotional growth is one of the most powerful ways to help them thrive, not only now, but throughout their entire lives.

What Is Emotional Development?

Emotional development refers to a child’s ability to recognise, express, and manage their emotions. Children begin building this skill from birth through interactions with caregivers, their environment, and later, peers and teachers.

It includes:

Identifying emotions (happy, sad, angry, scared)
Understanding why emotions happen
Expressing feelings in healthy ways
Developing empathy (understanding others’ emotions)
Learning to regulate emotions like Anger or Sadness

This process shapes the foundation of a child’s personality, social behaviour, and mental well-being.

🧠 Why Emotional Development Is So Important

1. It Helps Children Understand Themselves

Children who can label and understand their emotions are better able to navigate daily challenges. They know what they’re feeling and why, which increases self-awareness and confidence.

2. It Strengthens Social Skills

Emotionally developed children are more likely to:

Make friends easily
Share and cooperate
Show empathy
Resolve conflicts calmly

These social skills are essential for school success and healthy relationships.

3. It Supports Learning and Brain Development

A child who feels emotionally safe can think more clearly, stay focused, and learn more effectively. Studies show that emotional regulation greatly improves:

Attention span
Problem-solving
Memory
Motivation

A balanced emotional state helps children overcome challenges instead of being overwhelmed by them.

4. It Builds Resilience

Life is full of ups and downs—even for children. Emotional development teaches them how to cope with:

Changes in routine
Disappointments
Peer issues
Mistakes and failures

Resilient children bounce back quicker and adapt to new situations more easily

5. It Reduces Behavioural Problems

Many behavioural issues stem from unexpressed or misunderstood emotions. When children have emotional tools, they’re less likely to:

Have frequent tantrums
Act out aggressively
Withdraw socially

Teaching emotional literacy is often the key to improving behaviour.

👨‍👩‍👧 How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Emotional Development

Supporting emotional development doesn’t require special training—it simply needs everyday awareness and connection.

1. Name Their Feelings

Help children identify emotions:

“It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because the block tower fell.”

This teaches vocabulary and emotional awareness.

2. Validate Them

Let them know their feelings are normal:

“It’s okay to feel sad. Everyone feels sad sometimes.”

Validation creates emotional safety.

3. Model Healthy Emotional Behaviour

Children learn more by watching than by listening.
If you manage stress calmly, they will too.

4. Encourage Open Communication

Create a home environment where emotions are welcomed:

Ask open-ended questions (for smaller children, ask them about specific things, e.g. what happened at first break today)
Encourage them to talk about their day
Praise them when they express feelings appropriately

5. Teach Coping Strategies

Simple techniques include:

Deep breathing
Counting to ten
Taking a break
Drawing how they feel

These skills help children calm down before emotions escalate

Final Thoughts

Emotional development is not just another aspect of childhood growth—it’s the heart of it. When children learn to understand and manage their emotions, they build stronger relationships, perform better academically, and develop into compassionate, resilient adults.

By nurturing emotional development from an early age, we’re giving children one of the greatest gifts possible: the ability to thrive in a complex, ever-changing world.

November 19, 2025 | Ari Huffines

Interpreting Emotional Cues in Children

Understanding Anger in Children: The Body’s Way of Asking for Help

Children experience emotions deeply, and those emotions often show up in their bodies before they can find the words to explain them. When a child feels scared, angry, or excited, their body reacts; their heart beats faster, their tummy tightens, or their face turns red. These physical changes are the body’s way of saying, “I’m feeling something big right now.” Because young children are still learning about their emotions, they often show what they feel through actions instead of words. Crying, shouting, running away, or refusing to do something are not signs of being “bad”; they’re signs that a child’s body and emotions are trying to cope with something they don’t yet understand.

🔥 The Feeling of Anger: Energy That Rises Through the Body

Anger is one of the strongest emotions a child can feel. It’s not a “bad” feeling; it’s a powerful one. Anger’s job is to protect, to speak up, to say “This is not okay.” But because children are still learning how to manage that power, anger can sometimes explode into actions like shouting, hitting, or kicking.

When anger begins, it often starts as a heat in the body. Some people describe it as a “heat pathway.” It can begin in the feet, a small pulse or tightness that starts to rise upward through the body. The energy flows faster, the hands may clench, the face gets warm, and the breathing becomes quick and shallow. This is the body’s way of preparing to act. It’s a burst of energy designed to protect and defend.

For children, that rising heat can feel overwhelming. Their bodies fill with energy, but their brains don’t yet know what to do with it. That’s when the impulses come, the urge to yell, to throw, to stomp, to hit, or to kick. These impulses aren’t chosen; they’re automatic (primal) reactions to the wave of emotion moving through the body. The key is not to shame these impulses, but to help children notice them before they take control.

🧠 Helping Children Notice Anger in Their Bodies

When we teach children to recognise anger as a physical feeling, not a behaviour, we give them the power to pause. You can guide them to notice:

“Can you feel where the heat is in your body right now?”
“Does your face feel hot? Are your hands tight? Is it rising energy?”

This helps us shift from labelling the child as being angry to helping the child notice anger. That small shift builds awareness and self-control and stops the child from building an identity as their anger. When a child learns to recognise these signals early, the tight jaw, the hot face, the strong legs- they can learn ways to cool their body before the impulse takes over.

🌬️ Cooling the Heat of Anger

Once children notice the “heat rising,” they can learn gentle ways to cool it down:

Breathing: Encourage slow, deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth — like blowing out a candle.
Movement: Help them move the energy safely, stomp their feet, squeeze a soft toy, or shake out their hands.
Water: Washing hands or splashing cool water on the face can help the body reset.
Words: Teach them to say, “I feel really angry right now,” instead of acting on the impulse. Naming the feeling gives it shape and helps release its power.

Each of these steps helps the body move from “reacting” to “responding.” Over time, children learn that anger doesn’t have to explode — it can be understood, guided, and expressed in healthy ways.

💬 The Role of Adults

Our role is not to stop anger, but to help children understand it. When we meet their anger with calmness, we show them that it’s safe to feel strong emotions. We can say, “I can see you’re angry. Let’s notice what your body is doing,” instead of “Stop being angry.” This helps the child feel seen and supported rather than judged.

Children learn emotional safety not from being told to “calm down,” but from being helped to find calm within themselves. When we teach them that anger is energy that rises and falls, that it’s something they can notice, breathe through, and let go of, we’re giving them tools for life.

🌿 In the End

Anger is not the enemy; it’s a messenger. It tells us that something feels unfair, uncomfortable, or out of control. When children learn to listen to that message, to notice the heat, the urge to move, they begin to understand their own bodies. With our help, they can learn to pause, breathe, and express what they feel in ways that are safe and kind.

When we teach children to notice their anger instead of fearing it, we’re helping them build emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and confidence that will guide them through every challenge ahead.

The Very First Book of Willy Woo’s Feeling Angry helps children understand what’s happening inside their bodies when anger arises. Through playful and easy-to-use techniques, it teaches children how to notice and manage their feelings.

Written in rhyme, the story is fun to read and helps children remember their calming tools. This book is especially suited for ages 3 to 10, a stage when children are learning to recognise their emotions and can use simple, engaging steps to handle big feelings with confidence.

The Very First Book of Willy Woo’s Feeling Angry is now available on Amazon.