What Happens When Children Don’t Learn About Anger?

When kids don’t learn what anger is or how to deal with it, the feeling doesn’t disappear. It slips beneath the surface like a shaken soda can waiting to burst. Sooner or later, it pops.

Below are some of the most common outcomes when children aren’t taught how to understand or manage anger.

1. Bigger Outbursts

Kids who can’t name anger or make sense of it often express it through loud reactions: tantrums, hitting, yelling, or shutting down. They aren’t “bad.” They’re overwhelmed and unequipped, trying to communicate with tools they don’t have yet.

2. Bottling Everything Up

Some children take a quieter route. They swallow their feelings to avoid trouble. On the outside, they seem calm, but inside, they carry emotional tension like a heavy backpack they never take off. Bottled-up anger doesn’t stay small; it slowly shapes how they see themselves and their relationships.

3. Trouble With Friends

When kids can’t explain what they feel, misunderstandings grow faster. They may push people away, react too strongly during conflicts, or feel constantly misunderstood. Healthy friendships rely on communication, and communication begins with knowing your own emotions.

4. Low Self-Control Later On

Managing anger in childhood helps build a sense of self-control that carries into adulthood. Without that early practice, teens and adults may struggle with impulsive reactions, emotional swings, or difficulty setting healthy boundaries.

5. Shame Instead of Understanding

When anger is never talked about, many kids begin to believe the emotion itself is “bad.” This turns a normal feeling into guilt, confusion, and fear of disappointing others. Instead of learning that anger is a signal, they learn to see it as a flaw.

What Helps?

Teaching children about anger isn’t about shutting the feeling down. It’s about helping them understand it and handle it safely. A few simple skills can make a huge difference:

• Naming feelings
• Noticing body signs like a fast heartbeat or temperature pathway. 
• Using calm-down tools such as breathing, taking space, or asking for help
• Seeing adults model healthy ways of expressing anger

When children learn these skills early, they grow into adults who can face tough emotions without being controlled by them. They become people who can feel anger, express it safely, and return to calm with confidence instead of shame.

Psychologist David Huffines and I created the “Willy Woo’s Feeling” series to help children understand their emotions, accept them, and develop effective strategies for managing them. 

Each book in the series guides children to notice the physical sensations that come with their feelings, identify what they are experiencing, and choose healthier ways to respond. 

The books are written in rhyme to make learning engaging and easy to revisit. When children feel angry, sad, etc., they can return to the relevant book in the series, follow the steps, and practice the calming pathways it teaches. 

You can now find the very first book in the series, Willy Woo’s Feeling Angry, available on Amazon!

You can find the link below.